49. How Many Bites are on your Tongue?

Posted on March 24th, 2013

Another entry by the writers at PureMatrimony.com. Look out for more entries provided by them in the future inshallah.

Marital discord is extremely common, and even strong, happy marriages have their ups and downs. However, how you deal with these hiccups will go a long way in determining how successful your marriage will be.

One of the biggest fitnas in a marriage occurs from the utterance of the tongue. To illustrate just what a powerful weapon the tongue can be, consider this hadith:

Abu Moosaa Al-Ash’aree (RA) said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah Which of the Muslims is best?’ He (SAWS) said: ‘He whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe from.”’ [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

We all know backbiting is forbidden in Islam, but did you know this is also true of speaking ill about your spouse? You might think that by sharing your problems you’re seeking counsel in others. The truth however is that unless you’re specifically seeking help and guidance on a serious matter, you should refrain from speaking ill about your other half.

All marriages have their flares, but it’s always better to sort your problems out yourself. Speaking ill can cause bitterness, anger and resentment in not just your spouse, but also in the hearts of those who you spoke to.

You might have an argument which causes you to vent your feelings to family members. Time will pass and you’ll make amends with your partner...but guess what? Family rarely forget the argument, which can literally be dragged up years later. And when it does, it causes bitterness and resentment in the heart of your spouse.

Here are some tips when you feel like speaking out to others or your spouse:
-Pray to Allah to guide you, rectify your affairs and to help you hold your tongue.
-Go for a walk if you are upset.
-Read a book to cool down.
-Write down how you are feeling and give it to your spouse so they understand how you feel.
-Avoid criticizing your spouse and instead, focus on their behavior.
-Keep your tone impactful but never vengeful  – don’t say ‘I hate you’ or ‘you’re a so and so...’ -Instead say ‘Your behavior has really hurt me, did you mean to hurt my feelings?’
-Remember never to hold the grudge – so as soon as you get the chance, talk about your feelings openly and discuss ways in which you can avoid something similar happening again.
-And the number one golden rule is to always make up and do something nice for the other person. Even if they hurt you first, be the better person and do good by them.

Remember that attaining Jannah through marriage is perfectly possible. As long as you are mindful of each other and keep your secrets within your four walls, Insh’Allah you will be rewarded. There is a saying that a successful marriage is measured by the number of teeth marks on your tongue.

I will leave you with this hadith: “When the Son of Adam wakes from his sleep, all of his body parts seek refuge from his tongue, saying: ‘Fear Allaah with regard to us, for indeed we are part of you. So if you are correct, then we will be correct and if you are corrupted, then we shall be corrupted.” [A hasan hadeeth reported by At-Tirmidhee and others]
Source: www.PureMatrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Site For Practicing Muslims. Love this article?

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